| stained glass |
[14 Nov 2006|05:08pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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damone |
] |
i'm back. :D
i don't feel like doing some long ass update so i'll do this : i'm still in a band, i still work at best buy, i got a boyfriend and he's awesome, i wanna buy an nintendo ds and play nintendogs, i might be considering starting a heavy metal side project if anyone is interested. i wanna play arena rock! BIG GLAMOUROUS LOUD DON'T GIVE A FUCK HEAVY ROCK AND ROLL. lol.
<3
cherry pressure, candy pressure.
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| I AM SAILOR MOON NOT LINDSAY LOHAN RAARR! |
[07 Jun 2006|02:27am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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W.A.S.P. |
] |
i hope to hell that the rumors of a sailor moon movie featuring lindsay lohan as usagi is false...
because if it's true,
i will tear that whore's vagina inside out with a saw-toothed kitchen knife.
and then i'll make her eat it.
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| KISS ALIVE! in my heart <3 |
[31 May 2006|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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kiss |
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God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone
Do you know what you want? You don't know for sure
You don't feel right, you can't find a cure
And you're gettin' less than what you're lookin' for
You don't have money or a fancy car
And you're tired of wishin' on a falling star
You gotta put your faith in a loud guitar
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone (oh yeah)
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone
"Now listen"
If you wanna be a singer, or play guitar
Man, you gotta sweat or you won't get far
Cause it's never too late to work nine-to-five
You can take a stand, or you can compromise
You can work real hard or just fantasize
But you don't start livin' till you realize - "I gotta tell ya!"
God gave rock and roll to you
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| hair bands a go go |
[16 May 2006|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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red hot chili peppers |
] |
if i could write a love song that had my name written all over it,
it would probably not be much of a love song at all.
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| too young for love |
[12 May 2006|03:23am] |
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mood |
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 like hellfire! |
] |
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music |
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the crue |
] |
mmm...
i've been thinking about my guitars.
i should really fix them. they're ALL busted in one way or another, some severe and some minor.
i got this theory that my baby, my first, johnny...i got this theory that he cut all the others wires while i was sleeping so i'd play with him again.
it's funny...i always end up writing my songs with him. clarisse is laid up with some malfunctioning guts. (well, the electrical stuff inside...what else would i call it?)
but steur said he could try to get her fixed for me. it pisses me off because she's only 6 months in and already, you know? i'll FUCKING DIE if she's dead.
that's really all there is.
stay tuned.
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| kill your billy idols |
[15 Apr 2006|03:20am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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discount |
] |
in the mall, that "family restaurant"...
"friendlys"
=
the worst fucking thing i have ever smelled. ever.
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[13 Apr 2006|11:58pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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sex pistols |
] |
yeah yeah.
i'm alive and kicking. and i been kicked.
working at best buy is so tiresome. but i guess anywhere else is the same.
it's just the public that pisses me off. the majority of people i deal with act like everything they're buying is SO important.
no. no. no. no. you don't need an ipod to live. your cell phone is replaceable if it's busted. shut the fuck up, stop crying. stop acting like an electronics store is the greatest place on earth.
OBVIOUSLY the greatest place on earth is an ice cream parlour.
damn!
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| inside out girl! |
[19 Mar 2006|11:37pm] |
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mood |
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utterly obliterated |
] |
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music |
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dear nora |
] |
oh well. what do i care?
there are many times that i cry and i wish i had no ability to feel any kind of emotion at all. i'm sure everyone gets like that. but if only i could literally cut my heart out and become some kind of cold cyborg.... someone once told me that pain is beautiful.
maybe. if you believe that at the end of it you'll be happy.
but i don't think i believe in that.
i'm afraid i believe deep down that there's no happy feeling at the end because...i don't think it will end. it's just one heartbreaking thing after another. different names, different faces, same problems. same emotions. same 'going-thru-the-motions'. same god damned mistakes.
i would like to never go to work and lie to people again.
and
i would FUCKING LOVE to never feel attraction to another person ever again.
what's the point? it never felt like it was something i was made to have anyway.
i'm going to go drink the rest of my jack. thanks. =) =) =)
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| she is like a cat in the dark, and then, she is the darkness |
[14 Mar 2006|02:25am] |
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mood |
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 creative |
] |
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music |
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fleetwood mac |
] |
praise the lord, i wrote a song! for the first time since ruby disbanded, so it's a big deal for me.
i'm still trying to scrape my creativity off the pavement right now though.
(metaphorical pavement, of course.)
i recorder it on my shitty one track data recorder so it's more fuzz than anything else,
and it has this habit of making me sound like an 8 year old girl, but it's for documentaion
purposes. maybe kevin will let me use his laptop to make a nice, clean cut.
i'm kinda at a weird point right now. it's like, i know all these musicians, and i wanna ask to play with them but i'm afraid to.
first of all, because half the time i back out or lose track of my mind and forget. secondly, i'm not sure who is right for me.
it's almost like looking for a boyfriend! haha.
'cept i wouldn't be gettin' with my bandmates.
that's another thing. i don't feel alone, even though i am, romantically speaking. i almost
dare say i feel little or no sadness about being single. it's bandmates i want. friends, stuff like that.
i think my last entry touched on that though.
i have great friends, adorable pets, and an...um..interesting family. i guess.
there are a few guys, but it's not like i have a life-consuming crush on any of them. for real and for true, i strongly suspect that i have the biggest crush on rock and roll. maybe i'll never love somebody more than i love my guitar. (okay, maybe not. ^_^;)
well,
i think guys sometimes misinterpret my eagerness as a sexual advance. do they ever stop to think that i really am just trying to be friendly?
oh, wait. maybe they do and that's why they get stand offish. XD
like, "oh well she won't bone me so fuck her. i don't need friends, that's not what girls are for. dur."
haha! it was easier back when i was a kid. i hung out with boys until i hit puberty. hell, all my best friends in elementary school were boys. i was a tom, so...
trailing off! i'll cut it here.
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| a wishlist |
[08 Mar 2006|12:18am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
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music |
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the smiths |
] |
sometimes i wish i could talk to somebody who liked just sitting in my room and
listening to my records that skip sometimes and not talk. just listen, really REALLY listen to all the
songs and not get bored, and not ask me to turn on the lamp or turn on the tv, and not say "let's do something", cause i
think that
that *is* doing something. do you like simon and garfunkle? bookends? i have that one.
i got rumours, fleetwood mac. the white album and revolver and magical mystery and etcetera by the greatest rock and roll band
ever. got morrison hotel by the other greatest ever. (<3) got the big journey one, got monkees, byrds, oh, and i got psychedelic furs, *ramones* ^___^, queen, blah blah blah.
anyway, i have some records.
and it would be nice, too, if someone wanted to read my notebooks or look at my sketchbooks.
i know that might be asking a lot because most people are bored by anything that's not about them,
but if they had notebooks or sketchbooks, and they wanted me to, i would read them and look at them, and i would be interested.
i would love it if they didn't skim them and say "that's good" and then put them down.
i would not do that to you.
maybe someone who would play guitar and let me listen. or at least listen to me.
it'd be cool if they played because they felt like it and not try to impress with scales and stuff like that.
i bet i already know people who might like doing these things.
i'm just feeling kind of lonely lately. i want too see some friends. and this isn't like i want those things
to be with someone who is in love with me, but really just someone who honestly is a friend. everybody seems too busy or is just not into hanging out with me. i know everybody has to get on with life but sometimes it's okay to just do nothing together.
is this weird?
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| i am the vampire of your dreams |
[07 Mar 2006|12:54am] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
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music |
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the smashing pumpkins |
] |
so, fuck work.
fuck work, fuck work, fuck work.
In you I see dirty
In you I count stars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste God
In you I feel so hungry
In you I crash cars
We must never be apart
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| don't stop believin' |
[03 Mar 2006|01:46am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
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music |
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journey (yes, journey) |
] |
saw hawthorne heights tonight. got kicked around in a circle pit. (is that what you call em?)
good thing i ain't a skinny little thing! :D
i woulda gotten my head kicked in were that the case. some fuckin' big guys go to these things.
i had fun though, even though the stuff isn't really my style.
though i must say this. i hate the girls that go to shows lookin' all polished and pretty, staring at the girly, tight jean wearin', hair in their eyes kinda fellas, like they is meat. god. the majority of both genders piss me off. what was that song? THE MASSES ARE ASSES.
hell yeah, but i still like dancin' and swingin' my powerless fists.
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| you fail me |
[02 Mar 2006|12:25am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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converge |
] |
i'm sick of the men at work. they think they're so charming. they think i'm charmed by them.
customers and some coworkers alike, i feel harassed.
i never had very high self esteem, but i get no satisfaction or pleasure from being complimented by men. and guess what?
i don't like men. being around men makes me nervous and uncomfortable, often.
and i can't get over it. they frighten me. they say sleazy things and try to act like it's cute.
if i don't laugh or be nice, they call me a bitch or a lesbian. they use bully tactics and sugar coat them.
they think they're hot shit. they think THIS particular young girl is into them, when really, THIS girl only wants them
to GO AWAY FOREVER. i want to cry and scream and kick things.
i'm not sexy. i don't want to be sexy. please stop sizing me up. don't masturbate to me. don't look at me.
i hate you. i don't want to be forced to hide away because you scare me. i don't want to be scared of you.
and you know what? i don't like men, but i like boys.
!!!
i can't explain it. there's no real logic behind it, but i love boys my own age.
they are potentially just as dangerous, but i just don't get scared of them the way i do
around older guys. why?
i wish i knew. everytime i get skeeved out by some thirty something who brushes up against me in 7-11, i
wanna go running into the arms of the next teenage mall goth i see. maybe i like goth boys because they wear make up and are usually thin and frail. same with all the skinny rock and roll boys. oh god. i think i'm starting to dig something up.
do i like the so-called "effeminate" boys because i'm deeply afraid of a "big, strong, man"? what happened to me to make me this way.
am i repressing something? i don't recall anything huge that could have made me this way. now i'm starting to regret this entry.
what was my point?
okay. now i'm weirded out. let me think of something lighthearted:
um...
THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN ROCK!!
:(
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[01 Mar 2006|01:05pm] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
] |
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music |
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the organ |
] |
keyboards r awesome.
hmm...
i can play guitar SUPER fast. like thrash fast.
i like power chords, crazy screaming noises made with my special "nail polish method", and punk rock mentality.
i forget where i read it, but "first thought, best thought." go go go, kinda stuff.
like a quick fuck that nevertheless has satisfied you.
i wanna play fast rock and roll.
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| FAKE. TIT. CORE. |
[27 Feb 2006|01:18am] |
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mood |
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 damn snarky! |
] |
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music |
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the adicts |
] |
yuck. all you stupid shitty boys in your stupid, shitty, fuckin' FAKETITCORE bands can lick my cunt.
support local music my ass. >_<;;
no, no, no!
no! i don't wanna make nice with you, and support you, and be all like "oh man sweet breakdowns", you suck! i don't like suck.
and i shouldn't have to settle for suck!! YOU should do better. shame on you.
i really wish some awesome super hero punk rock band would come give this town a swift kick in it's big fat porcelain ass. rarr!
...um, sorry.
i think i have some band envy. sorry faketitcore kids. ;)
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| asphyxiation nation |
[26 Feb 2006|03:28am] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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5uhqui786486rey8io957 |
] |
-------------------------------
and if you don’t love me now
you will never love me again
i can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain
-------------------------------
i never really thought about how i actually like fleetwood mac.
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| tipping the velcro |
[24 Feb 2006|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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new order |
] |
"how wretched. to trap myself like this, i mean.
to be overcome with sudden passion, poison, the way i see it.
and i can't even reach out to you for fear of frightening you out of reach for good!
so what's a girl to do? got to keep it under wraps as usual? keep you behind glass like a dead
butterfly? how i hate what you've become in my heart, when i haven't even graced your own!
well, your silence is all the evidence my blazing emerald nature can permit."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
headache!
i don't think i'm in the right state of mind to be awake right now.
last night i dreamed of a high school massacre, and it was quite graphic.
it was hammonton high, to boot. lots of blood and gore and satan and foreboding. ugh.
then i remember an all girls school where only a few girls had the "privelege" of a uniform.
strange. maybe i'm forgetting some major details.
not that i care much anyways. =)
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| say what you want |
[22 Feb 2006|01:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
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music |
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julie ruin |
] |
why torture yourself? it feels so fuckin' degrading.
they can make you feel like you're worthless, and
they do it with such elegance, it's hard not to believe that
they are right...but you deserve the very best, and don't you ever forget that.
you're a shooting star, baby, don't you let anybody tell you otherwise.
they aren't right. they aren't special. they'll fall behind you, angel,
you'll see.
someday, you'll be happy.
someday, you'll be everything you wanted them to be and more.
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| crazy 6's |
[21 Feb 2006|01:13am] |
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mood |
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awake |
] |
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music |
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metric |
] |
i had one, i had a white trash
broken glass punk ass lover
for just a little while
and another and another
and until the sun turns into dust
we'll kiss and make up
it doesn't matter which one
when they're all the same guy
i can see you all now
a cockroach or a baby whore
or a user that i adore
(never got to touch
that one)
oh well
as much as i wanted to
as much as i wanted to
as much as i wanted you
i can't believe it's you
just like him and him and him and him and him and him and him...
------------------------------------------------------------------
night!
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